I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
