I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
