I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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