she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
