This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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