just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
