i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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