he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
