I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize