i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
