he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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