I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
