what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
