If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
