yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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