i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
