halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
