my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
