Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize