He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
