tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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