U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I did not marry a roomba.
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