Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
