do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
