First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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