I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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