and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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