It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
