I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
