My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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