Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
