I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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