I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize