Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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