We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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