My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
