Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
