just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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