you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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