He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize