She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think your dad took our porno
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
