Kiss
Puke
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
