Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
