Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tornado booty call.. dedication
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
