I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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