Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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