So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize