he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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