Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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