sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
