if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize