WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
