what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
