You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
