Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
