Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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