No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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