Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
