Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
