oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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