I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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