God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
