everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
