is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My bed smells like the plague
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
