I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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