did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
