How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
