I haven't been this sober since birth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
