I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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