I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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