the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
