Plan B is the new Plan A
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
