Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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