I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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