I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
