Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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