i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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