just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
