I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
