I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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