If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
