today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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