I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
