Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
