Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
