if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
then he tried to convert me to islam
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
