Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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