she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
