he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
