she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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