i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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